Adventures of Squiggles

The Prettiest Blossom (April, 2011)

2011-10-23T18:37:00.001-07:00

On Mondays, Mommy gets to stay home with the baby, but we never stay home. We go on adventures! One spring morning when everything was in bloom, we went to Mount Auburn Cemetery. Squiggles is officially walking. She’s still quite wobbly, but loves practicing and thinks it’s funny when she falls on her bum. We spent the morning walking around, climbing up and down stairs, dipping our toes in the fountain, and enjoying the sun and blossoms.

Mommy got pretty emotional as we were playing. I wanted to freeze time and keep my little baby exactly as she was on this day. My heart had never felt so much love.

It just about broke my heart to watch my baby walking away from me.

Easter in Philadelphia (April 2011, 13.5 months)

2011-10-23T18:09:00.001-07:00

We took a trip to see Darin and Kim’s family in Philadelphia for Easter. Squiggles’ cousin Sarah is a talented photographer, and she helped me stage a photoshoot. Unfortunately, our subject was MOST unwilling to pose or be photographed. Also, it was the wrong time of day (shadows problems – Sarah warned me). But we had fun, and laughed at Squiggles doing everything BUT posing for photos.

We were super excited that Grandpa Dave was in Philadelphia when we went down. We went to the park.

And to church:

After church I tried another photoshoot. The baby was interested in having her photo taken, but she was very interested in the roll I gave her in an attempt to get her to hold still.

Squiggles adores her cousins and followed Sarah and Megan everywhere.

We went to Jacob’s arboretum and Squiggles loved every second. She loves flowers, trees, and being outside!

Here is is with Grandpa, Sarah, and Megan.

To Northern Utah (April 2011, 13 months)

2011-10-23T18:05:00.001-07:00

While we were in Utah, Squiggles got to hang out with Mike and Jill’s family. She immediately made best friends with Mary Kate, who is a magical baby charmer. She is in a serious “Mama’s girl” phase, but she would go to Mary Kate with no hesitation. Mary Kate was so nice to her, and took her outside to play often.

Uncle Mike has a special way of making friends with babies – by bribing them with lollypops!

It worked.

Squiggles got to play on the large bed in Jonathan and Jeffrey’s room with all the kids. She loved every second.

She also had fun playing with Aunt Jill at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.

We’re so lucky to have such awesome family!

11-month photoshoot (February 2011)

2011-10-23T17:36:00.001-07:00

Sick day

2011-10-23T17:14:00.001-07:00

Even though my mom sucks and won’t just chill out and let me enjoy my snot facial, I can’t stand to be more than a millimeter away from her when I’m sick.

I couldn’t sleep so she let me watch Inception with her and The Dad.

I woke up with snot all over my face, but feeling a bit better.

I even had a bath and got dressed up.

I read my favorite book (thanks, Grandma).

And practiced crawling. I pretty much rock at crawling.

But it’s getting a little old, so I think I’m going to be exploring new modes of transport soon.

This is a new trick I’ve mastered… I’m pretty pleased with myself.

Unfortunately, The Dad never lets me eat his computer cord, which is really my only desire in life.

So I settle for looking at touch-and-feel books.

Hey, just as a side note, it’s kind of cool that my mom and I both have peace pajamas, right?

I WANT those boogers in my hair, OKAY? (January, 2011)

2011-10-23T17:12:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

This week was sucktastic. First, I got some disgusting stomach virus from my mom. To repay her for the sucky gift, I puked all over and then filled the bathtub with diarrhea when the parentals tried to clean me. I have to admit I didn’t think that one through completely.

As though that weren’t enough,as soon as I got over several days of diaper drama, I got bronchitis and have turned into a mucous mass-production factory. I don't want to eat, and I can't sleep. The parentals are constantly trying to wipe snot off my nose, chin, eyes, and forehead and I HATE THAT SO BAD! Why can’t they just let me live my life?!?

Then this morning I woke up and found that three new teeth broke through my gums. In case you don’t remember, that hurts like crap. I can’t help trying to touch my new teeth all the time, but it sucks because then my snot flows straight into my open mouth. Sickest ever. And to top it all off, I seem to have the poops again.

Whatever.

February 2011 (posted out of order)

2011-10-23T16:14:00.001-07:00

Squiggles loves going to Aunt Cami’s on Tuesday, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Cami has all kinds of fun toys,

More importantly, Cami has kids at her house! Squiggles LOVES her cousins, and always wants to do whatever they’re doing.

In late February / early March, Squiggles became VERY sick. She was vomiting and had a fever for almost a week. We were in touch with our pediatrician, who finally recommended that we take Squiggles to Children’s Hospital Emergency Room so that Squiggles could get some fluids put back into her system. She was such a sad girl when she was sick:

And such a brave girl at the hospital!

But after that she felt so much better. A couple days later we had some fairly warm weather, so we took the baby to the park. She loved it!

Mommy and Daddy had fun, too – we love our baby girl!

This young lady loves her daddy!

She has recently started feeding Mommy and Daddy. Usually she gives us ABC (Already Been Chewed) treats. Such a generous little girl.

Squiggles loves to go on family walks. Daddy loves them too, he just hates posing for pictures.

I do believe the baby was laughing at Mommy’s silly hat in this photo:

Squiggles spends a lot of time helping us reorganize our house (for example, by emptying our bookshelves and DVD basket.

She has a love hate relationship with balloons. She squeals and giggles when she plays with them, but also occasionally starts yelling at them for some unknown offense.

Squiggles’ first camping trip! (March 2011, 12.5 months)

2011-10-18T15:21:00.001-07:00

After we took a road trip from Denver to Logan, we took another road trip to Southern Utah – specifically to Zion’s National Park. We brought Squiggles’ favorite tractor / farm animal toy to play with in Grandpa and Grandma’s brand-new camping trailer.

The next day, we hiked most of Angel’s Landing. Squiggles loved it… especially all the red sand everywhere.

Grandma let us sleep on her nice big bed in the trailer while she slept on one of the kids’ beds in the main cabin. Grandma is nice like that.

The next day we went hiking again – it was a bit cool that day, so we bundled up. Squiggles loved hiking with Daddy.

She also enjoyed our mile-high picnic.

She helped Grandpa outside. Yes, I let her crawl around in the red dirt… it all came out, but she was one filthy baby for a few days! She loved every second of it.

We went on a short hike with stunning views from dizzying heights. Grandpa wanted a turn carrying the baby.

Mommy kept telling Grandpa, “Get my baby away from that ledge, Silly Grandpa!”

But Grandpa just laughed at Mommy because there was a strong fence.

Miss Squiggles loved stealing Grandpa’s hat and putting it on her head. It was a little big!

She had fun telling stories and jokes with Grandma. Silly Grandma.

We had a great time with family in the wilderness, and Miss Squiggles got mad every time we made her go inside. She loves the outdoors!

To Denver (12 months)

2011-10-18T13:26:00.001-07:00

Soon after Squiggles turned one, we went to visit my sister Karen and her brood. We met little Miss Lucy, who was only a few days old. What an honor! Squiggles was most delighted with her squeaky new toy:

She also loved playing with her cousins Max and Eli in their ginormous backyard playground:

As if that weren’t enough, she got to play with Grandma:

And Grandpa!

And Zoey!

Zoey is the first dog that Squiggles has spent an appreciable amount of time with.

It was so fun seeing Miss Squiggles have so much fun!

12 months, II

2011-10-18T10:58:00.001-07:00

Miss Squiggles continues to be a delightful baby. She loves bath time (except having her hair washed):

And loves the after bath-routine: wrapping her in a towel, drying her off (while blowing zerberts on her belly, fingers, and toes), smoothing lotion over her skin, and getting dressed. She loves it when we tell her about her body parts and especially likes it when we talk about her tongue and toes.

Sometimes she wriggles out of her towel and escapes. No big deal, because we always know where to find her! This young lady loves her books!

She loves snuggling with Daddy when it’s time to go to bed and loves it when Mommy and Daddy let her sleep in the grown-up bed. Which is almost every night, because they are pushovers.

She does like playing in her crib and LOVES the pictures mommy finally got framed. She points to them, says, “Ehhhh?” and starts giggling and moving her arms up and down.

This little lady can’t stand to not be in on the action. If somebody is sitting on the couch, she pulls herself up to see just exactly what is going on. She cruises back and forth, smiling in a self-pleased manner all the while.

She also LOVES putting things on her head and around her neck. She played with this blanket (made by my friend Daniele) for almost an hour.

Thanks, Daniele!!!

A party, a bike, and a bum.

2011-09-03T19:15:00.001-07:00

To celebrate Miss Squiggles first birthday, we threw a small party. We didn’t expect her to be very impressed, but she had a blast.

She loved the balloons and pizza,

and was ecstatic to be joined by some of her favorite people.

A cousin with tatoos:

A cousin who was allowed to dish up his own lunch (not sure why he isn’t always allowed this privilege):

And a cousin who ate her lunch diligently and then ate six to eight bowls of ice cream.

Aunts and uncles:

And dearly beloved Nana:

Squiggles had a grand time opening many generous gifts. Among them was a shiny new bicycle from Uncle Bob and Aunt Nancy.

Ivy wanted to share the bike with Squiggles. Squiggles was not in favor.

Nana brought a delicious cake:

So we lit the candle and sang…

And gave the baby a whole slice of cake. She was dainty at first,

but soon caught on to the proper way of eating a smash cake.

And finished it off with enthusiasm.

I tried not to cry during the whole party.

Squiggles had her own surprise for us – she stood by herself for the first time! Whaaaaaa……

After the guests went home, we went to the zoo where a monkey gave the baby a personal strip tease. He showed off his bum for quite some time…

But the baby was not that impressed.

So we came home and played with mommy and daddy’s birthday gift for Squiggles: a push trike (the pretty pink bike will have to wait until Squiggles grows several inches…)

Happy birthday, Sweet Lil’ Squiggles. We can barely remember life before you – you’re our greatest delight and we can’t wait to celebrate a hundred more birthdays with you. At least.

P.S. Thanks for the pictures, Aunt Cami!!!

Für meine Tochter (1 year) (sniff)

2011-09-03T17:26:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: I need to tweak a few things with my other blog before I transfer this post to the Squiggles-only blog. If you're not comfortable with a cheesy letter from an overly sentimental mother, skip down to the pictures of Squiggles "reading.' :)

Dear Squiggles,

I can't believe this day has arrived - you are one year old! The day before your first birthday, you stood up by yourself. On March 13, you took your first successful step on your own! I am sad that you're growing up so quickly, but I love each new phase you enter. You are such a delightful baby, and you fill our lives with so much happiness and laughter.

You are a beautiful girl - you have auburn hair, big blue eyes, and porcelain skin. Everywhere we go, strangers approach us to tell you have pretty you are. But you're not just lovely on the outside - you are beautiful all the way through. You are loving and funny and adventurous and perfect! I'm so happy you're in our life, and can't imagine a world without you.

I had children a bit later in life, and had lots of opportunities. I lived in other countries, went to graduate school, learned to play instruments, and have a thousand hobbies. But nothing in my life makes me prouder or brings me more happiness than being your mother - you are my masterpiece.

Every time you smile at me, it brings me joy. I made a small list of some of the things I love about you:

· You can say, "Hi," "mamamama," "dadadadada," "Uuuuuuuuuuu OH," and "No," (though I don't think you know what this means yet). Also, Daddy and I will swear to our graves that you said "Strawberry Shortcake" one morning when we gave you the doll.

· You like it when lions come on TV (in the Baby Einstein World Animals video) and you practice growling quite often. Sometimes you growl shyly and softly - almost a whisper, while other times you growl very loudly - sometimes at strangers at the grocery store! It's quite amusing.

· You still smile and wave at everybody and LOVE attention.

· Recently you have been practicing blowing. We have started blowing bubbles with you outside and in the bathtub, and you seem to have decided that blowing is a valuable skill. Sometimes when we're driving and you have nothing else to do, you start blowing, over and over. It's adorable.

· Another hilarious thing you have started doing is playing "pretend." You love giving things to people, but sometimes there is nothing around to give people. That doesn't stop you! You carefully pick up tiny invisible objects with your thumb and index finger (often you pick up something from your other hand), and then smile sweetly as you "give" the objects to other people (usually Daddy).

· At your first birthday party, you got a new tricycle that has an attachment that can be pushed, and you love it! Whenever we push you around (either up and down the halls of the apartment and in and out of the rooms or outside on the sidewalk), you yell the whole time - it sounds like a war cry. You let out the same war cry when we help you walk by holding your hands while you take tiny dainty steps. It is as though you are saying, "Watch out, world - here I come!!!"

· You love looking at pictures, slideshows, and photo-books of yourself. You squeal when you see the pictures of you that we hung in your room, and want to watch your first-birthday slideshow dozens of times a day. You also often bring me your "Amelia" photo book, and pay close attention as I describe each picture to you.

· You are still very, very friendly. You love waving, smiling, and saying "Hiiiiiiii," to everybody you pass. You're also a little nosy... when we take you anywhere, you stare at other people, especially if they have kids. When you get on an airplane, we have to hold you back because you climb up the seats to see what is going on with the people in front of us, in back of us, to the side of us, etc. You just have to know what's going on everywhere!

· You love it when we get down on the floor with you and place chase while we're crawling. You love it even more when both Daddy and Mommy are playing chase with you. You love to crawl away from us, but you always stop and turn around and come back toward us so that we can "catch" you. When we catch you, we tickle you, throw you back and forth (gently) and into the air, and give you zerberts and kisses. It's a grand family activity and you giggle the whole time.

· You love to play with blocks, and you especially love to knock over towers of blocks that others build (usually Mommy) and say, "Uuuuuuuuuhhhhh OH!" and then cackle with delight.

· You love cheese puffs and Club crackers. You also love, love, LOVE ice cream, but we don't let you have very much. You also love cookies and feeding Daddy.

· You LOVE books - whenever you have play time, you go straight for your books. You used to just eat them, but now you turn the pages and study the pictures. Often you look at your books for 20 - 30 minute stretches. You love looking at pictures of other babies and children, as well as animals. Your favorite books are "Goodnight Gorilla" and "The Very Hungry Caterpillar." You have learned how to fake laugh, so you "laugh" every time the zookeeper's wife wakes up and finds a monkey in her bed. It's so adorable.

· You also fake-laugh when other people are laughing. Sometimes you start laughing by yourself in your carseat. I will laugh back at you, and then we take turns fake-laughing until you start really laughing - you seem to think fake laughing is funny.

· You enjoy taking baths. You love splashing, dumping water out of cups, and being squirted by your squirty toys. You think it's hilarious when you pass gas in the bathtub, and when we let you have bubble baths, you often bend down and examine the bubbles intently.

· We took you to a park in Virginia a couple weeks ago and let you swing. You squealed with delight and didn't stop smiling. It was so great to see you having so much fun.

· Aunt Cami watches you while we’re at work a three days a week (Daddy and I take turns watching you the other days - we love being able to spend time with you!). You love Aunt Cami, as well as Bryn, Calvin, and Ivy. You follow the kids around, wanting to play with them. They love you, too, and do silly dances to entertain you.

· You start to dance when we hear upbeat music. You bounce your head and smile gleefully. When you're really excited, you bounce with your whole body, but sometimes this makes you tip over sideways. You think that's funny, too. You're such a happy baby!

I'm so happy you're in our family - we would be so incomplete without you. I can't wait to see what shenanigans you have up your sleeve for the second year of life!

With more love that you can ever possibly imagine (until you have your own precious baby girl),

Mommy

11 months old!

2011-05-26T20:35:00.001-07:00

_{Photo by Cami Jones}

You just keep getting cuter and cuter! We always get stopped by strangers who tell how beautiful and blue your eyes are. It’s true – you got them from Daddy. They sparkle when you’re happy.

You’re a very happy girl, and you love to play!

You like watching World Animals, and you’re quite good at growling; however you growl only when you feel like it. You often crawl up to me, get a mischievous smile on your face, and then growl ferociously. We haven’t caught it on video, but here is a teaser:

You are become quite the reader! I always get worried when you are quiet for a long time, but usually you’re just sweetly looking at your books and not in any trouble at all!

You and Daddy read a lot of books together.

You and Daddy also like playing with toys…

Uncle Lance and Aunt Dani came to visit (Lance had a medical school interview). We drove them to Maine to see a famous lighthouse. I wasn’t going to take you outside because it was so cold and windy, but you kept pointing to the window and saying, “Eh?” I gave in and you were delighted to be outside even in bad weather!

We often go out for breakfast on Saturday morning. You love to come and smile at everybody in sight. One day you spent almost an hour dancing and smiling for a couple of guys at the next table. They were laughing and laughing and kept commenting on how much personality you had for such a small baby.

You got became quite sick one week with an RSV-like illness, and instead of laughing and jabbering like usual, you lay around looking very sad. It broke our hearts.

Luckily you took the antibiotic that you had been prescribed for a secondary ear infection like a champion. In fact, you loved it!

You are usually too busy to cuddle for more than a minute or two at a time, but when you’re sick you love to be held and to have your back rubbed.

You often give us the following look when you’re sick. I interpret it as, “Why haven’t you fixed me?!?” Oh… we wish we could!

Finally you started feeling better, and you found your smile again.

Right now you are in a “Mommy’s girl” phase. You love your momma!

And… your momma loves you!

You still love bath time, and playing with your toys and bubbles.

You have recently become obsessed with boxes. You like holding them, stuffing things inside them, and especially seeing if there are any treasures inside. You thought you had hit the jackpot when you found a stash of Life cereal hidden in this box!

Mommy’s friend Laure gave you this coat, and it finally fits! You are a teeny, tiny baby!

10 months continued…

2011-05-25T18:45:00.001-07:00

On New Year’s Eve, we took a day trip to Castle Island in Boston Harbor. Our friend Daniele knit two really cute hats for Squiggles – an apple (shown) and a watermelon.

As usual, the baby was delighted to be walking around outside.

Hanley Inc, 2010.

We didn’t bother to make new year’s goals; we had already produced a masterpiece.

Daddy got up with the baby one morning, and I found them like this.

The baby was sick from the beginning of December until April. Poor baby.

We play a game where we “throw” the baby back and forth between Mommy and Daddy. She really, really, (really) likes this game.

We also help her “walk” back and forth between us.

When she makes the trek (or even if she doesn’t) we clap enthusiastically. She loves it.

Can you tell that we adore this little girl?

A Very Squiggly Christmas

2011-05-25T17:53:00.001-07:00

A week or so before Christmas, we noticed that Squiggles’ pajamas were appropriate for the season, and set up a photo shoot. At first she was gracious:

But then she realized the props were edible. It all went downhill from there.

She was quite forlorn after I took away the candy.

So Daddy cheered her up.

Squiggles LOVED the Christmas tree, meaning that she loved trying to eat the branches and the ornaments. She got excited every time we turned on the lights.

We spent Christmas morning with Tim’s mom (Nana). She came over for breakfast (courtesy of Tim), and then we watched the baby open presents. She was naturally most excited about all the boxes and crinkly paper.

But she also liked the toys, including this very boisterous snail from Aunt Jen that squeals and makes music any time anybody so much as blinks.

We had dinner at Nana’s, and then came back to play some more.

She was a little frightened by the ball-shooter-outer device (also from Aunt Jen) until she saw her cousins playing with it. Then of course it was awesome.

She also loved the touchy-feely book that came in Grandma’s Christmas package.

Squiggles was sick the Sunday before Christmas, so she wore her Christmas dress to church the Sunday after. Very pretty girl.

It was fun to spend Christmas with our very favorite gift – Squiggles!

10 months: European Vacation

2011-03-27T20:30:00.001-07:00

A week before Squiggles turned 10 months old, we left for a two-week vacation in Europe. Well… it wasn’t all vacation. I had the opportunity to go to an RSV conference and of course I couldn’t leave my cute little squishy baby home without me! Tim took care of the baby while I was at the conference (which thankfully was in the same hotel where we stayed so that I could pop up during breaks and feed the baby. The conference lasted a few days, and we spent the rest of the time playing. First stop: Amsterdam.

We went to an Eetcafe near a canal (that really goes without saying). Squiggles likes to pretend to read, so she carefully considered the sandwich menu:

Squiggles was an angel the entire time we were in Europe with the exception of the Anne Frank museum. She got really bored in there, and didn’t seem to realize the gravity of the situation.

So we took her on a canal cruise. This pacified her – she loves being outside and looking at stuff.

Next stop: Bruges, Belgium. We walked around a lot, without a squeak from Squiggles. She just loved walking around, waving at people, and looking around.

Squiggles was delighted to pose for our garden-gnome Travelocity-commercial-ripoff photos. We took them everywhere we went.

Next, we drove to Switzerland. Tim and I read The Girl With the Dragon Tatoo on the road – Squiggles was content for the most part to listen to me read the grownup book while she looked at pictures in her board books. Of course we played games and sang songs, too. I sat in back while the baby was awake, and in front while she was asleep (to keep Daddy company).

Squiggles really liked the pattern on the high chair at our hotel’s restaurant.

In fact, she loved it so much she tried to eat it.

She loved the cable car rides up and down the Swiss Alps:

And seemed duly impressed by the Schilthorn peak:

She played with Daddy at the awesome rotating restaurant:

And once again studied the menu carefully. She tried to order a beer but got turned down because she forgot her ID. Just kidding.

On the trip, she took naps while strapped to Tim in the Baby Bjorn whenever she felt the need.

She was an angel on the hike we took in the snow from one mountain village to another.

And really enjoyed the trainride back because the windows are like mirrors at night.

On our way to France, we stopped at Chateau de Chillon.

We arrived in Southern France very late. Mommy and Daddy were exhausted, but Squiggles was ready to keep partying.

The next day, we went to Pont du Gard. We put Squiggles in the stocks for being naughty at the Anne Frank museum.

We ate a rather fancy restaurant (by accident… we didn’t know it was fancy until it was too late). Squiggles delighted the waiter and other restaurant guests by smiling and clapping at them.

During the trip, Squiggles and Daddy were best friends. They went everywhere together. It was cold (December) most of the places we went, so we bundled the baby up accordingly.

Southern France was extremely windy due to a winter wind called Le Mistral. Squiggles didn’t mind; in fact, she seemed to find the wind hilarious.

This is at Mommy’s favorite restaurant, even though it was all pink.

And this was Squiggles favorite waitress – she played with the baby for nearly two hours while we ate.

Daddy let Squiggles pretend drive while Mommy took a restroom break.

Daddy and Squiggles after a long day walking around Paris:

Hey, look! A tower thingy!

We rode to the top at about 10:00 pm. Squiggles fell asleep so we decided to call it a night and go home.

9 months

2011-03-22T14:04:00.001-07:00

Time flies! It seems like yesterday that I posted Squiggles’ 8-month photos. Hee hee.

Squiggles is a champion at eating phase 2 solids (sitter), and occasionally tries to feed herself. Ummm… she’s not very good at it.

Daddy often plays with Squiggles before she goes to bed. He starts out with appropriate nighttime activities like reading books and sing songs, but things often escalate and pandemonium ensues… tickling, giggling, squealing, squiggling, and other shenanigans.

For some reason Squiggles has become quite fascinated by mouths. She often wants to put her hands inside and check things out.

Daddy’s shenanigans earned him a special Squiggles kiss:

Tim’s sister’s family visited for Thanksgiving. Tim’s sister really, really, very much loves the baby. The baby loves all of them.

And of course Nana is her BFF:

Uncle Tim (seriously) met Squiggles for the first time on this trip. They had a grand time playing with trains, cars, helicopters, and action figures.

Squiggles tried to help Gus play his DS games.

And she tried to steal Jen’s hat.

We went to some kind of Christmas fair, where Squiggles met Santa for the first time. She was not that impressed.

Otherwise, she finally fits into the cute outfit Melinda gave her:

And bounces like a champion in her exersaucer thing-a-mabob.

She has started waving to people when they walk in the door or when we pass them walking. She’s so social and loves interacting with everybody.

8 months

2011-03-21T21:38:00.001-07:00

I can’t believe Squiggles is already 8 months old. She is such a happy baby – she is always babbling, giggling, and smiling – especially if she has an audience. She is curious about everything, and wants to hold everything in sight. She puts everything in her mouth, and often gives us a surprised sour face when objects don’t taste very good. She recently sprouted tooth number 3:

And can finally touch her toes! She was so rigid for the first several months.

She just keeps getting cuter,

And happier:

She has recently begun sticking her tongue out at everybody she sees – especially when she’s happy.

In October, we took Squiggles on her first leaf-peeping outing in the Berkshires. The first day, we went to Old Orchard Farms, where we drank fresh hot apple cider and strolled through the apple orchards.

She also takes after her mother in that she sticks out her tongue when she’s concentrating on something… like getting to that delicious-looking apple!

Squiggles has no idea what apples actually are, but the second she saw them on those trees, she was determined to own one.

She had a great time at our hotel. She kept pulling off her socks and trying to eat them,

And had a great time playing with Daddy. She gives really good kisses (meaning, she puts her face, nose, open mouth, etc.) next to our cheeks and then smiles as though she is the most generous baby in all of history.

The second day, we went to October Mountain. Squiggles loved looking at the rocks and trees.

She always enjoys going for walks outside…

She enjoyed rock hunting with Daddy, but seemed quite disappointed that she couldn’t eat them.

We did a lot of things with friends this month. Squiggles loves being around other people, and they love being around her!

We had dinner with Erin and Julie:

We hiked around Walden Pond with Kendall (during which she jabbered the entire time and smiled at every body who walked by),

We hung out with Joanne and Joe one night. At around 8:00, I tried to put her to bed, but she could hear Joanne and Joe out the door laughing, and wanted to be part of the fun. She kept diving for the door, so finally I gave in and let her stay up with her friends.

We went on a picnic to Walden Pond with Julie and Alejandro. We walked around the pond, and once again Baby Girl tried to get the attention of every passerby and generally exuded joy and love and transcendentalism.

This baby loves being outside!

We were mother-daughter witches for Halloween. Squiggles tried really hard to eat the sparkles off her dress. Cutest witch ever!

7 months

2010-10-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

Big news! Squiggles has started giving kisses!

More big news! We moved into a place where Squiggles could have her very own room big enough for a crib. I thought it would take months to get her used to sleeping all alone (instead of in a bassinet beside our bed), but she fell fast asleep the first time we put her in the crib. Sniff.

Big news #2: Squiggles sprouted two teeth early this month! She occasionally looks at me sweetly, smiles, and then proceeds to bite my nose, but otherwise we've had very little trouble with biting.

When I was pregnant with the baby, Tim found a rabbit hat (with matching gloves) in the LL Bean catalog and ordered them right away because he thought they were "kind of adorable." She's finally big enough to wear them... and they're kind of adorable.

Hanging out on the floor... can't crawl yet, but she is rolling more and more.

She enjoys watching the chickens on Baby Bach, but she's not very interested in the rest of it.

This month it was Old Nana's 93rd birthday. She loves the baby and smiles at her (sometimes for hours) every time we come visit.

Amelia loved the balloons!

This isn't a great pictures (blurry), but I thought it was cute.

Hanging out with Nana and Aunt Nancy. The baby smiles at Nancy whenever she talks

I helped my friend Julie hem a bridesmaid dress - the baby really liked playing with the thread.

Daddy-daughter time.

6 months

2010-10-25T16:17:00.000-07:00

Squiggles and I go for a walk around our neighborhood every morning when she wakes up at about 6:00. By the time we get back an hour later, she's ready for her early-morning nap.

Sometimes she is ready to go for another walk as soon as she wakes up - she LOVES to be outside, and is particularly fascinated by tall trees and street signs.

Tim is the only one who can get her to go to sleep while rocking.

D'oh! I don't think this is "recommended."

We took the baby girl to church. She loved singing hymns and seeing a whole, huge room full of people.

Tim gives Squiggles her every-other-day bath - I find her to be too slippery when wet.

She moderately enjoys bathing, but hasn't figured out that splashing is super fun.

Cute new outfit from Aunt Jen:

And super-cute pajamas from Aunt Sheryl.

The other day we were at a restaurant, the baby was babbling. Tim sighed, turned to me, and said (almost inaudibly), "I am completely enamored with that baby girl." I have to agree with him there.

5 Month Letter to Squiggles

2010-09-20T18:12:00.001-07:00

Dear Squiggles,

In a couple weeks, you will turn five months old! I can’t believe how fast the time flies, and it hurts my heart a little to think of you getting bigger. If I could, I might be tempted to freeze you just the way you are, because I love everything about you.

You are one of the most pleasant and happy babies I’ve ever met. You smile at us almost constantly when you’re awake, as well as almost anybody else who stops to talk with you. You smile especially broadly when people tell you how beautiful you are. Not only do you smile effusively, but you are incapable of smiling with just your lips – your mouth opens wide, your eyes squint, and you kick your legs (and arms) up and down with delight. When other people smile at you, you smile back and lean toward them shyly. It’s beyond adorable.

People are constantly stopping us to tell us what a beautiful baby you are. One woman recently stopped me and said, “Oh, oh, oh! Can I please just look at your baby for a moment?” I said, “Of course.” She smiled and talked to you, and you smiled and cooed back. She finally turned back to me and said, “Thank you for letting me have a beautiful baby moment – she made my whole day better.”

This is how I feel every time you give me one of your smiles. You have a way of engaging that could melt stones. And your eyes… oh your eyes… they are so sparkly and blue and beautiful and alert.

You look at everything and everyone. If I don’t feed you in a dark, quiet room, you become too distracted to eat by all the colors and sounds. You love watching people, and you could win a staring contest with anybody.

When you do eat, you make the cutest sighs as you swallow. At night, you fall asleep when you’re eating, and then rest your head on my shoulder or chest and sleep calmly. Sometimes I hold you for a long time after you’ve fallen asleep because I can’t stand to put you down.
You hardly ever cry, and when you do, you usually just want to lie down and wiggle around in your crib until you fall asleep. You love sucking on your fingers and thumbs, and you’re easily calmed with a pacifier. You love your binkies!

Recently, you’ve started babbling. You babble when you’re happy, and you babble when you’re mad. It is particularly funny to be told off by a baby. You pinch your eyebrows together, look me in the eye, and say, “Meh, beh, mehhhhh, meh, MEHHHH!” Usually I translate this to mean, “I want to go outside immediately, Mom,” because the second I take you outside, your face lights up and you pump your arms up and down with excitement.

You are so strong! You’ve been strong your whole life. When you’re lying down on a bed, you hold onto my fingers and pull yourself into standing position. Once you’re standing up, you give me a huge grin and beam with self-satisfaction, clearly quite pleased with yourself. It’s very cute and funny.

You love talking to your daddy. Your eyes light up when you see him, and you look around for him when he’s not home. He loves you to pieces and plays with you all the time. We’re so happy you’re in our family. You bring us so much joy and we love watching you grow and discover the world. But please don’t grow up too fast – I can’t stand the thought of you ever leaving me.

Love and kisses and zerberts and cuddles,

Mommy

Squiggles loves this toy elephant. She talks to him all the time, sometimes for an hour straight while we're driving.

She also enjoys being naked. She recently found her toes and finds them quite fascinating.

Cute dress from Erin:

Cute dress from Mommy:

Cute pajamas from Bryn and Ivy:

Cute towel from Daddy:

Nana and Squiggles are great friends, and Uncle Bob thinks the baby is "just beautiful." He says so all the time.

4.5 month photoshoot

2010-09-16T14:51:00.000-07:00

I kept trying to get Squiggles to smile for the camera, but she was too fascinated by said object to comply. Finally I took her to a professional photographer, who also happened to be a baby charmer. Squiggles turned out to be a total ham.

I inteneded to get the $8.99 special where you choose one pose and get a bunch of differently sized photos, but when I saw the proofs, of course I had to have them all. D'oh!

4 months

2010-09-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

While Grandpa Dave and Grandma Lynette were visiting, we went up to Maine to go lighthouse hunting.
Uncle Peter took the baby so that Tim and I could have a romantic walk by the sea.

Lighthouse #1:

Tim caught being affectionate:

While Grandma Lynette was in town, she and the baby made best friends forever. Squiggles loved my mom, and giggled at her and "talked to her" constantly.

At Portland Head, we had ourselves a fine picnic.

The baby had a grand time playing with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. When we got home, I made her play with me for a while.

Week 15

2010-07-31T18:45:00.001-07:00

Daddy with the baby.
My parents booked tickets to come see the baby as soon as I told them I was pregnant. Of course, nobody anticipated that she would come 6 weeks early on the wrong side of the country... but, hey... they had tickets, so they came anyway! Grandma and Grandpa spent loads of time rocking and cuddling and smiling and talking with the baby. The baby loved them.

We took Squiggles on her first hike, around Walden Pond.

A snack in the woods...

My favorite mom and my favorite daughter:

A picnic in the parking lot. We had $2.00 hotdogs from a truck with a real-live weiner man.

Have I mentioned that Squiggles and my mom are bosom buddies? They were BFF from the start.

Ivy Divy likes to play with the baby. We're pretty sure she thinks she's a new toy.

We took a short trip down to Philadelphia to visit my brother's family. While there, we went swimming at the Jersey Shore.

Tim and the baby spent most of the afternoon reading under a tent.

Like Grandpa, like Granddaughter:

The baby was fascinated by the sand and the water.

She looked a bit concerned that I was going to toss her in, but smiled nervously when I dipped her piggies in the water.
My dad is famous for his collection of sunblocking hats. I got my baby this purple one at REI, partly because I knew he would approve.

Kim, Sarah, Megan, and I had a great time playing in the water.

13 weeks

2010-07-31T17:38:00.000-07:00

One morning, Tim woke up and said, "I think I'll paint Jen's dresser for the baby." Before he could paint it, he had to chisel off some well glued wall-paper flower apliques and sand down some very brightly colored paint. It turned out great and looks perfect in the nursery!

Aunt Jen sent the baby a couple new dresses, so I figured it was time for one of my not-so-professional photo shoots. Yes, I'll be keeping my day job.

13 weeks

2010-07-31T17:26:00.000-07:00

My friend Kathy at work gave Squiggles this adorable outfit.

We took the baby to the arboretum for a walk and got caught in a thunderstorm.

Squiggles slept through the whole thing and managed to stay dry thanks to her awesome stroller.

We decided to finally do some laundry when we realized these were the only clean clothes available.

Week 12

2010-07-31T10:04:00.001-07:00

We went to the doctor's for the baby's first immunizations. She weighs 11 pounds now! We're very proud.

She cried for about 4 seconds after she got her shots, and then was a little sad for a couple days. Since sad baby = sad mommy, we gave her lots of extra kisses and cuddles.

The baby's eyes are becoming a very pretty light blue - she got those from her Dad.

The following shows her car seat progression up until this point.

She's also starting to be very curious about everything around her.

Week 11

2010-07-31T09:56:00.001-07:00

Baby girl has started smiling profusely at Mommy and Daddy.
Hmmm... the wrong person went to sleep.

I adore this rabbit shirt from Aunt Cami.

Attack of the pink! It's difficult to find anything not doused in the color unless you go to yuppie boutiques, at which I cannot afford to shop. Kuckily, Squiggles looks darling in pink.

Week 10

2010-07-31T06:35:00.000-07:00

The baby thinks it's very funny to mess her diaper as soon as Daddy picks her up. Seriously, we think she knows exactly what she's doing.
She has some fairly serious reflux issues, so she usually sleeps on my chest from about 4:00 am on.

It's still a bit cold in Boston, but the baby really doesn't like extra layers like sweaters (must be related to her mama).

She still likes hanging out in her car seat, and can't stay awake if the car is moving.

She also falls asleep in her vibrating chair.

She has been giving us some funny faces.

Week 9; warm weather at last!

2010-07-31T05:37:00.001-07:00

Thanks for the adorable duds, Aunt Karen!

Again with the scary black thing?

We went to Castle Island for an afternoon picnic and walk.

Daddy sometimes hordes the baby...

But sometimes Mommy is able to steal the baby back for a bit.

8 weeks

2010-07-31T05:31:00.001-07:00

Sleepy baby:
Sleepy baby in a dress:

Captured a half smile:

And a full-ish smile...

Helping Daddy write his dissertation:

Sleepy mommy:

Ahhhh...

What in the world is that black thing in front of my face? It's very alarming, Mom.

Week 7; smile!

2010-07-30T22:36:00.000-07:00

One morning this week, the baby woke up at 4:00 in the morning. Tim fed her, swaddled her, and then gave her to me while he used the bathroom. I was a bit groggy until I looked at my baby girl and she gave me a big, beautiful, toothless smile. My mom was right - it melted my heart and maybe I cried just a little bit. It would be a while before we could get the smile on camera though...
Tim and the baby continued to have a lot of quality cuddling time!

The baby finally gained a little body fat... hurray!

Around this time, I asked my cousin Diana how she got anything done when she had a baby. She said with her second baby, she had to put her in a chair to take showers, etc. She was very sweet and nonjudgemental and didn't actually say the words, "Put the baby down." It was an "aha" moment for me, though. I started putting the baby in the awesome baby papasan that Cami let us borrow while I ate breakfast, showered, etc. and the baby loved it!

6 weeks: home at last

2010-07-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

Baby Squiggles spent the first two weeks of her life in a NICU; the next three weeks at Grandpa and Grandma's; and the fifth week in Denver! Finally, we took her to our home in Boston. Here, she is relaxing with Daddy on his favorite couch.
Floor time.

A couple days after we arrived, we met Cami and kids at the Franklin Park Zoo. I was astonished to see how much Ivy had grown in the interim. ;-)

Baby girl's eyesight was getting much better at this point; however, she still went cross-eyed whenever she tried to focus on anything close. Beyond adorable.

I loved the outfit below so much that I bought it in Preemie, newborn, and 3 month sizes. Thankfully, they discontinued it after that so I wouldn't be tempted to buy it yet again.

Nana was beside herself with excitement to meet the baby. In fact, she showed up at the airport 2 hours early to wait for our flight because she just couldn't wait. It was mutual love at first sight.

Tim's sister Jen also couldn't wait to see the baby, so she brought her kids up from Virginia the week we came back. They made best friends immediately, and I was surprised how much her kids paid attention to her. N wanted to hold her (but was too shy to ask himself), and M kept asking, "What is him saying?" in response to the baby's coos and grunts.

We took the baby to the nursing home to see Tim's only living grandparent, "Old Nana." She loved the baby and smiled and smiled at her.

Week 5: The exodus

2010-07-30T18:08:00.001-07:00

Tim bought Squiggles a baseball sleeper (shocking):

The last week we were in Utah, Squiggles finally grew out of her preemie clothes and into "newborn" clothes. She was a hefty 7 pounds when we left. Hurray!

My mom found my old, pink lovey blanket; it was made by my great-grandmother Annie for me a couple years before she passed away.

What a sweetie pie.

A couple days before we left for Denver, I took Squiggles to meet my good friend Amy. It was so nice to see her and talk about the terrifying aspects of being a new mother with somebody who had recently been through it.

When we took the baby out of the carseat, Amy's daughter Z smiled sweetly, held out her arms, and said, "Baby?" It was so adorable I almost handed my daughter over to an 18-month-old.

My parents kindly drove us to Denver so that we could get a cheap, direct flight to Boston (so cheap with bought the baby her own seat). One of our first orders of business was to give the baby a proper bath (since her umbilical cord finally fell off!).

Aunt Karen was gaga over the baby, and helped me out. The original idea was for her to help supervise me while giving her a bath. But... she couldn't help herself and pretty soon Squiggles was squeaky clean. It was quite cute.

I love freshly bathed babies in towels.

It was really great to spend some time with Karen. She is as careful as I am about many safety-related baby issues, and helped me feel like less of a freaked out... ummm... freak. It really was very needed.

We hadn't been in Denver long before Karen showered the baby with all kinds of presents of the make-the-baby-look-even-more-adorable variety:

I wanted to take some adorable pictures of the baby, so I put her in a basket (come on, all the pros do it). My photos didn't exactly turn out to be adorable, and the baby looked at me as though I were certifiably insane.

I came down from taking a shower and found the baby sacked out on her dad's chest.

Before the baby was born, Tim and I swore up and down that we would never allow the baby in our bed. In Denver we had to make an exception because the crib was flat and A has to sleep slightly inclined. When we put her in bed, she looked pleased as punch and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

We took the parents and the kids to the Denver zoo.

Eli (who called me "Aunt Tami" for the duration of the trip, and could not be convinced otherwise), loves bats. Loves them.

The baby responded to the nice zoo and variety of earth and sea dwellers by sleeping soundly.

But I enjoyed the animals.

The sad day came when we had to say good-bye to my parents and to Karen. Karen lent us her carseat for the flight home. I didn't know how to adjust it, so I set the baby inside and asked Karen to go fix it while I gathered some last-minute items. From the other room, I heard Karen squeal talk in a really high voice to the baby. Apparently she thought the baby looked really very tiny and adorable in the big carseat. Camera-flash sounds ensued.

Leaving Utah and Colorado was a bit heartbreaking for me. It was so nice to have my parents around to help ease me into the first few weeks of motherhood. They were so fantastic and generous, and I will be forever grateful to them (for this and of course the first 32+ years of my life).

Week 4 Photoshoot by Lance

2010-06-13T16:36:00.001-07:00

Tim and I didn't like any of the wedding photos of us, so we had Lance take a few. When we got home, we took a few with Squiggles just for kicks.

Affirmations

2010-05-27T19:04:00.000-07:00

These are the things I believe:

Credit cards do more harm than good.
Sunscreens do more good than harm.
Macey's is the only True and Living grocery store.
Antibacterial soaps should be used sparingly. Like steak.
Women should feel free to breastfeed their children in public places if they want to.
Seventh Generation "organic" toilet paper is the worst product ever made, disintegrates upon contact with air, and results in bodily waste on your fingers.
Whether you stay home with your children is neither a good indicator of intelligence (I know plenty of super-crazy-smart SAHMs and plenty of super-stupid grad students / professionals.... and vice-versa), nor good mother-ness-ship (I know plenty of super-crappy SAHMs and plenty of super-awesome-loving mothers who work... and vice-versa). Feminist efforts should be about equal opportunity and fairness - not living some formulaic lifestyle that validates other feminists' choices. So basically,
People should live and let live. Within reason. Lengthy discussion to follow with Peter regarding clause "within reason."
Jesus's most important message was to love one another.

That's about it. I used to have a much longer list of personal convictions, but life and experience wore most of them out of me. Before I was a science nerd (biology), I was a super science nerd (math/physics) and spent a lot of time working out proofs and thinking about theorems. You know, "If... then... " statements and such. Things are so tidy in math. I liked that. Not so much in life.

An important part of human development is understanding cause and effect relationships. If you touch fire, your hand will hurt; if you use Seventh Generation toilet paper, your hand will stink. However, looking or relying on such absolute certainties when it comes to humans or emotions or love doesn't work nearly as tidily as stating, "If two points lie on a plane, the line containing them also lies on the plane." People are multifaceted, changing, complicated creatures. For example, I used to hate beets, and now I love them. See how deep and complex I am?

I've been thinking a lot about decisions and their consequences. Should I let my baby cry-it-out? Should I allow myself a can of Diet Coke once a day? Should I read her Shakespeare or P.D. Eastman? Should I make her sleep in a crib all the time to foster independence or should I allow her to sleep on my chest to foster bonding? How can I child-proof my house so that she will never, ever, and I mean EVER get so much as a paper cut.

A few years ago I was a student at BYU trying to make a decision regarding a love interest. I wrote "pros and cons" lists. Assigned points, even. I thought of a thousand different considerations. One afternoon I was running along the Bonneville Shoreline Trail, trying to reason out these weighty matters. I finally stopped, in tears, and thought... I can't decide anything... there are no guarantees. And then I realized that that was the answer. There are no guarantees.

Maybe I would live happily-ever-after with so-and-so, and maybe I would end up single ... in my thirties. Gasp.

There was no way to know, really. All I could do was make the best decision given the information I had, and hope for the best. I finally heard what my friend Kendall kept trying to tell me - that life doesn't culminate at some arbitrary endpoint called death, where somebody deems it either a success or failure based on a list of "good" and "bad" outcomes; that life is now, is continuous, is dynamic. At the time, I was all transcendentist-like, so I was carrying some paper and penned:

There are no guarantees
You can climb every mountain
And ford every stream
And examine every stone and stigma for secrets
But this trail won’t be here in ten years.

Go ahead.
Magnify flagella and Neptune under carefully crafted lenses
Plot patterns and trends on neatly Cartesianed paper
Elucidate transduction pathways of molecules and societies.
But don’t be alarmed -
Today’s luminous discoveries will be scoffed at tomorrow.

Go ahead.
Breathe your Nepalese mountains
Look to Kant, to Jung, to Nietzsche.
But your canonized scripts might be wrong, too
And your constructs as fallible as Pisa.

You can love me or not, but please don’t ask me to sign my name
In blood
Or ink
Or promises to never change;
I will.

Because even the most scintillian structures in atoms dance erratically in waves
And the noncompliant universe breathes in
While we spin madly about,
Breathes out.

Don’t be alarmed.

Today I am taking some deep breaths and reminding myself: there are no guarantees. I will likely do something, sometime, that will permanently damage my child. She will encounter pain, sorrow, and regret, and there is little I can do to prevent it. So I'm trying to shift my paradigm a bit from, "How can I ensure my child has the most charmed and perfect life ever to be beset a child under heaven," to "I'll try my best to let my child feel how utterly she is loved and adored and wanted." I'll teach her how to keep on keepin' on. To forgive. To give. And maybe, during the continuum of her life, she will know more acceptance than heartache; more joy than disappointment; more kinship than loneliness; more hope than fear.

Maybe.
Maybe not.

But this I can guarantee: she will know love.

Perspective II

2010-05-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

Dear World,

My name is Squiggles. I am almost 3 months old! During my mortal probation, I have been busy eating, eating, and eating. Sometimes I eat for 2 or 3 hours straight... that's Actually how I got fat. Check out the Michelins on my thighs!

I went to the doctor's Monday, and I weigh 11 pounds! I've also ditched my conditions of being orange and acne-fied.

And developed very pretty, blue eyes.

Don't worry, I still love to fart. It's my favorite thing to do.

P.S. I'm getting better, but I still go cross-eyed when I try to look at my mommy. I think it's because she has werewolf eyebrows, so I try to refocus, hoping they'll look more human.

Week 4

2010-05-26T14:57:00.001-07:00

Aunt Cami requested a "perspective" picture of Amelia next to another object to see how little / skinny she is. We chose Lance's camera since it was about the same size and girth:
We've been trying to give Amelia more tummy time. She likes it as much as her mother likes anchovies. As in... willing to give it (them) a shot, but is filled with horror after a few seconds.

Have I mentioned that Tim's chest is Amelia's favorite place to just chill?

Grandma is very good about actually speaking to the baby and engaging her. They have a lot of great chats about life.

Grandpa and Amelia mostly like to cuddle.

I just take pictures. A lot of them.

We bought tickets to fly home... from Denver. Road trip ahead!

Week 3

2010-05-19T13:43:00.001-07:00

Two big milestones this week. The first is that we visited Dr. O'Dell and Amelia now weighs 6 pounds!! We're so proud - just look at the chunkster:

He said she was doing much better than he would expect for a baby born so early, and that she continues to be a "star." He also said we could start putting rubbing alcohol on her cord to expedite its departure from her person. I think she just wanted to hold onto a little piece of me.

Secondly, I set Amelia on the bed this evening, and she rolled over onto her stomach. I'm sure she didn't mean to - she's just so wiry and squiggly and skinny. I tried to get her to do it on camera, but of course she didn't. She is cute, though, so I've included the video (previously posted on my regular blog).

Thanks Jason and Jennie for actually finding a preemie outfit with long sleeves! Our little peanut doesn't have enough fat to keep herself warm yet.

We've enjoyed relaxing at Grandpa and Grandma's especially because Grandma has a hot dinner on the table every night and insists on doing dishes herself... what a pleasant introduction to motherhood - all I have to do is feed the baby, and cuddle with her and my husband.

Amelia spends a lot of one-on-one time with Tim. Here they are watching a Bruins game and discussing the upcoming NFL draft. When Tim asks her opinions, Amelia responds by drooling, passing gas, or emptying her bowels.

I'm told I'll outgrow this phase, but I still think everything Amelia does is adorable and brilliant. Here, I've taken several photos of her... ummm... sleeping.

Week 2

2010-05-13T08:29:00.001-07:00

Amelia started looking yellow again toward the end of her first week. We asked the staff to check her bilirubin levels, and they were quite high (17.something) so she had to go back in the special UV crib. Her levels went down after a couple days, so she went back into the isolette. After a couple days in there, she was able to spend her last two days in a regular crib - hurray!

A couple days after my milk came in (which took almost a week), Amelia became strong enough to stop using the SNS line. She started gaining weight rather than losing it, so Dr. O'dell let us take the IV out of her forehead. One of the nurses immediately replaced it with a bow, much to Tim's chagrin (they used KY gel to make it stick, which is really difficult to remove from skin once dried). I was happy to hold her without worrying that I would inadvertantly rip the line from her head and scar her for life.

On Sunday, the doctor told us that Amelia was almost ready to go home. He said she could go home either Monday or Tuesday, and we opted for Tuesday. It was bittersweet news - on the one hand, it would be nice to take her home and cuddle with her as long as we pleased. On the other hand, as much as I hated all the lines and IVs and monitors, there was a certain comfort in knowing that if she stopped breathing or pumping blood through her body, a team of specialists was within ten feet who could come resuscitate her.

Hospitals have strict rules about taking home your child - especially for preemies. The night before her discharge, she had to sit in her carseat for 2 hours while connected to all her monitors to make sure the carseat angles wouldn't impede her ability to stay alive. If she had any "episodes" (heart rate lowering, etc.), she would fail. Luckily, she passed the first time. I sat and watched her the entire time, just in case the monitors failed. We laughed a lot the first time we put her in a car seat... she looked even tinier than usual.

Even though Amelia was finally gaining weight, Dr. O'dell was a little nervous that she wasn't getting as much as she could be, so he instructed us to supplement her nursing with 40-50 mls pumped breastmilk every other feeding, and 2 ounces of a special preemie formula once a day. We could have used the SNS system, but since I have to go back to work eventually, we decided to introduce bottle feeding instead at that point (don't worry, we were working with a lactation specialist). If she had started to reject my breast, we would have discontinued bottles for a while. Happily, this has never been a problem.

Finally the happy and terrifying moment came... we took our little sweetheart "home" to my parents' house.

We decided not to fly back to Boston immediately since her lungs were still premature compared to full-term babies, so we stayed with my parents for a few weeks. We were so luckly to have friends and family who showered us with baby clothes, quilts, and burp cloths. In addition, a special woman named Shawna let us borrow a bassinette - I have no idea what we would have done otherwise.

Having little to do except fawn over our baby, I took roughly a kajillion photos per dium.

We were under strict orders to let the baby sleep as much as possible and cry as little as possible so that she could use all her energy buidling the fat stores that are so necessary in order to regulate her body temperature. We were also under strict orders to severely limit her contact with other humans. We did pretty well, but did have a few very special visitors, including...

My good friend / cousin Marsha:

My parents (who weren't really visitors since we were staying with them):

I love this picture of Amelia holding my dad's finger with her tiny hand.

A close up:

My brother Lance and his wife Dani, who were really, really good about coming to visit us. They both brought various baked goods and treats to help fatten me up, which in turn helped fatten Amelia up. Actually, I probably didn't need to be fattened up, but I ate the doughnuts, cinnamon bread, and other treats just to be safe.

My friend Melinda, who grew up across the street from us and is like a sister, came several times and kept bringing presents. She said she just couldn't stop. We went to the Walmart where she works, and she called all of her coworkers over to see the baby. A few minutes later, a complete stranger tracked us down in the diaper aisle and said, "Melinda said I had to come see your baby."

While we were in the hospital, Amelia wore preemie-sized clothes provided by the NICU. When we came home, we realized we only had a couple preemie outfits, so we went to every store in Cache Valley and bought every preemie outfit we could find. Unfortunately, preemie sizes are hard to come by, so we ended up buying several outfits meant for boys. When she was wearing such outfits, my mom would say, "Oh, what a beautiful baby boy you have."

I have serious anxiety regarding SIDS and infant suffocation, so I was surprised to go through my photos and find this picture of Amelia wrapped *loosely* in a blanket. That would never happen these days. :-)

Man, I love this baby.

The first week

2010-05-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHaT3HtQR5c

Amelia's first week of life was quite eventful. She arrived five and a half weeks early. We were quite worried about her since she would be underdeveloped at birth and because there was a possibility that the reason I went into labor early was because something was wrong with her.

She started screaming and wiggling all over the place as soon as she was born, which was a good sign.

In addition to the regular panel of newborn tests, they examined her extensively for signs of infection, lung problems, bilirubin level problems, erratic blood pressure, temperature disregulation and other issues commonly associated with premature infants.

They wrapped her up, let me hold her briefly, and whisked her away to the NICU.

That evening, we pulled some strings (we knew one of the NICU nurses) so that Cami, Karen, and my mom could come into the NICU and see me and the baby (usually the don't allow that many people at one time).

Grandma Lynette was quite taken with our little one.

So was I.

And so was Tim.

It was quite alarming to see our baby attached to so many wires, tubes, and machines. They monitored her blood pressure, pulse, temperature, respiratory rate, and oxygen saturation. The doctors and nurses encouraged us to be as involved in her care as possible.

We quickly got into a routine of coming down every three hours. Tim (or I, but usually Tim) would take her temperature, move her oxygen sensor to the opposite foot, and change her diaper.

I wanted to breastfeed Amelia, but her mouth was too little to form a proper latch, so one of the lactation specialists helped us learn SNS nursing (Supplemental Nursing System). I placed a silicon nipple shield over my nipple that was much easier for the baby to latch onto than a bare nipple. We then threaded a tube into the shield that we could syringe my pumped collastrum and later milk into. This helped Amelia practice breastfeeding without having to put a tube down her throat or give her a bottle too soon. Amelia was able to use this system really well and the doctors and nurses were all really surprised that she ate so well. The common comment was, "She doesn't know how young she is!"

The baby calmed down and seemed to really like it when we put her over our hand to burp her. She would go completely limp and often fell asleep in this position.

The doctors and nurses also encouraged us to do as much "kangaroo care" as we had time for. This is the practice of placing the baby skin-t0-skin against the parent's chest. The baby rests her head next to her mom or dad's heart. This practice has been shown to help regulate temperature and is positively associated with survival and good outcome for premature babies. It is also an awesome way to bond with the baby. Amelia and I would fall asleep like this for hours. The nurses would usually come get her when it was time to go back under the lights or in the incubator, and Amelia would cry her little squeaky-piggy cry as soon as they lifted her away from me.

Having a baby six weeks early who had to stay in the NICU was terrifying, but it was a special time for our little family to be able to spend so much time together during the first precious days and weeks of our baby's life.

Tim came down during every feeding, and helped push the milk through the syringe (it was a complicated operation). We took turns holding her after the feeding, and Tim always said things like, "You're so beautiful, little one."

Thankfully, we were able to stay in a room at the hospital for $15 dollars a night. This allowed us to spend a lot of time with our baby.

The second night in the NICU, Amelia's IV came out of her hand, so they had to put it in her forehead. They assured me that this was safe and wouldn't leave a scar.

On day 3, her bilirubin levels were quite high, so they put her in a special UV bed.

Karen stayed in Utah for an extra week so that she could see Amelia's birth and get to know her a little before heading back to Denver. It was so great to have my sisters around during this scary and exciting time.

My mom and dad also came to visit almost every day Amelia was in the NICU.

We all just liked to sit around and talk about how cute she was.

When her bilirubin levels went down, Amelia had to be put in an isolette (incubator) because she couldn't regulate her body temperature and had a difficult time staying warm.

During this time, we had to limit the amount of time we held her, and could only take her out for feedings. It broke my heart to watch my daughter from the outside.

Tim became good at changing her diaper using the little hand holes in the isolette.

He was a natural from the beginning.

On Saturday, we got a special treat. Mike, Jill, and their kids came to visit. We fibbed and told the NICU guards that Jill was Cami (we could only pick four people to be on our visitor list, so we chose my parents and sisters since they (my sisters) would be leaving town soon). Jill kept saying, "She's seriously the most beautiful premature baby I've ever seen!"

We agreed, of course.

The big, fat, mother post

2010-05-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

Prologue

There are a few experiences that are so significant that the rest of your life is characterized in terms of before and after. Your wedding day or a debilitating accident. The death of a loved one or winning the lottery. Betrayal, illness, the birth of a child.

But not just any child...

My child.

In this case it’s difficult to delineate my watershed moment – was it the shocking seconds after I first saw that faint line on the pregnancy test? When I told Tim we were going to be parents? When I found out “it” was a “she”? The seven hellish months I was so sick that it still makes me shudder to think of them? When my water broke six weeks early? When I finally delivered the five-pound entity I’d felt wriggling about in my womb for so long? When I first saw her? No, those don’t feel right. It wasn’t any of them. ..

How it all began

First there was swelling. Face, hands, legs, feet, eyes, nose, fingers. Then a death, then an airplane, then more swelling.

Then there was a funeral, which I won’t discuss in this narrative, except:

Even I – a Utah native born and bred in the art of pectin processing – was a little astonished at how many varieties of jello salad made their way onto the luncheon spread following my grandma’s funeral: salads filled with the usual suspects – strawberries, bananas, oranges, and Cool Whip – along with those containing cottage cheese, mayonnaise, cream cheese, tapioca, rice, marshmallows, graham crackers, and (seriously) pretzels. I’m a sucker for pot lucks, and naturally felt as though I must try them all. So I did, while my husband watched my gluttonous frenzy with a mixture of horror and disdain. He tried only one such salad – a boring recipe comprised of only one flavor of jello and only one fruit accompaniment . I tried to coax him into partaking of some of the more colorful options, but he refused with an attitude described best as New England Snobbery. Said the words, “Foodborne,” and “toxins,” and “sitting out for an awfully long time.”

The next morning, about 4 am, I began the process of returning the colorful assortment of diabetes-inducing desserts to our good mother earth. I was slightly (but not very) surprised to learn that they taste about the same as a mixed-together, partially digested conglomerate goo as they did as individual dishes. This gut-purging adventure lasted most of the day, and rid me of ten pounds worth of retained water. The next day I felt much better. While I was excited to see something that vaguely resembled ankles near my feet, I knew I needed to rehydrate if for no other reason than for the sake of the five pound parasite I’d been harboring in my uterus. I spent the day trying to drink as much water as possible, but I had a really hard time forcing myself to do it since I still had morning sickness.

That evening, I visited my cousin Jamie, who had a week-old baby boy. I hadn’t expected to go near him, since Jami knew I had been sick the day before, but she handed him to me as soon as I had sat down and said, “You need to hold him so you know what you have to look forward to.” As I cradled his tiny body, I fell in love a little. Not so much with him, adorable as he was, but with the baby I was expecting six weeks later.

That night as I was falling asleep, I felt an unprecedented impatience to meet my daughter. Holding Jami’s baby did something to my state of mind that I can’t quite explain, and I even started to think that I would be able to hold my baby soon. I reminded myself that she wasn’t finished cooking, and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up several times that night, and kept Tim awake with my tossing and turning. We were both frustrated so I got up to eat a piece of toast with butter and jam. Tim came out and gave me hug and told me to come back to bed. I suddenly felt sick again, and vomited so violently that I thought I felt something snap inside my abdomen.

When I went back to bed, the baby was kicking a lot, and twisting inside my womb. Tim put his hand on my stomach and we both laughed at how forceful her movements were. I was almost asleep when I felt a warm gush of water on my thighs. I told Tim I was leaking, and he said, “Is it a lot?” He felt the back of my pajamas and said, “Oh… ummm… yeah. I guess we’re going to the hospital.”

I went into the bathroom and found that I was still leaking a reddish, bloody fluid. I told my mom through the door that my water had broken, and she called my aunt Sheryl who is a nurse practitioner to ask where we should go.I called my doctor in Boston and told her that my water had broken. She said to come in and they would take a look at me. When I told her I was on the other side of the country, she said, “Well, dear… it looks like you’re going to be having a baby in Utah.”

............................................................

How it all continued…

I was admitted to the Logan Regional Hospital Women’s Center at about 5:45 am. We were really impressed with the room, which was huge, and our view of the Wellsville Mountains.

They inserted an IV to hydrate me, and put two monitors around my abdomen: one to monitor the baby’s heart rate, and one to measure the frequency and intensity of my contractions. In addition, they placed a rolled up blanket under my right hip so that the weight of the baby wouldn’t squeeze off circulation to my vena cava. The nurse who originally gave me instructions told me that I had to sit on the blanket even if I was sitting up, which didn’t make sense to me… but I obeyed diligently. This sitting on a blanket situation ended up being really painful after an hour, and after a day, my back ached really badly. This was the worst part of labor for me.

Sheryl pulled some strings and asked Dr. Strebel to deliver my baby even though he wasn’t on call. She said I wouldn’t like the doctor who was on call because he was rather old school and inflexible. I liked Dr. Strebel a lot – he was funny and joked around with us. When I was admitted, I was dilated to about a one, and approximately 10% effaced. Because it was six weeks before my due date, I hadn’t been tested for Group B Strep, so I had to be given IV amoxicillin to protect the baby just in case I did have it. I had a low-grade fever when I was admitted, and though they didn’t see any signs of infection with my blood work, they were concerned that some kind of infection may have made my water break.

Dr. Strebel decided not to induce labor, but also didn’t give me drugs that would prevent labor; he wanted to just wait and watch. One nurse said that if I didn’t go into labor, he might send me home. This was a bit perplexing, since I was pretty sure they weren’t going to let me get on a plane to go back to Boston and I didn’t want to waste my maternity leave hanging out at my parents’ house waiting to go into labor. But I had a feeling I would go into labor…

That day lasted about 96 hours, or so it seemed. I was incredibly uncomfortable due to the hip blanket, and Tim and I were bored out of our brains just sitting in a hospital room. Also, they wouldn’t let me eat anything at first because they weren’t sure whether they were going to induce me. This is normal, I’m told, but keep in mind that I had barely eaten for the past 48 hours due to my bout with jellovirus. I had morning sickness, which is much worse on an empty stomach. Needless to say, I puked a few times. They did say I could have chicken broth, so I kept ordering cup after cup. I found out later that every time I rang the bell for a nurse to bring me chicken broth, the hospital charged me $160. I’m praying that my insurance will cover those charges.

Luckily for us, we had visitors to help us pass the time. My mom and Cami came to visit us, and Cami even went against the core nature of her no-touchy being and gave me a foot rub. Sheryl also came by a couple times, and kept us company for a long time. I appreciated those visits more than I can express… they helped keep my mind off being terrified and wanting to slash the wrists of the mean nurse who made me sit lopsided on a blanket.

That day, Tim and I would look at each other from time to time with wide eyes, and one of us would say, “It’s happening. We’re going to have a baby.”

I started having contractions Saturday afternoon – not terrible contractions, and I was able to breathe through them fairly easily. I had contractions all night Saturday, but they weren’t regular or very painful. Sunday morning I started having more regular contractions and they hurt. Kind of a lot. I used my relaxation techniques at first, but they started getting worse and worse. I tried to breathe through them, but I also had a bad cough (from the stomach acid… d*^% jellovirus) and couldn’t take deep breaths or control my breathing very well. They got so bad that I vomited and started going into shock.

Tim was so fantastic and supportive during labor. He held my hand, stroked my hair, and kept telling me I was doing great. Also, Sunday morning, we got a new nurse. She said there was no reason for me to sit on the rolled-up blanket as long as I was sitting up, and seemed surprised that anybody would have told me differently. *^%&!!! This nurse, whose name I have unfortunately forgotten, was one of the many nurses we appreciated so much during our time at Logan Regional Hospital.

I had hoped to have a natural birth – to embrace the pain, to work with the contractions, and to have a spiritual, existential experience. But I just wasn’t coping, and found the contractions more on the side of ‘traumatizing’ than ‘spiritual.’ I admire my friends who are able to give birth naturally, and I know they have had really beautiful experiences, but it became clear that such a birth wasn’t going to be an option for me that day and I was perfectly okay with that.

I asked what kinds of medications were options at that point, and they gave me some kind of narcotic to “take the edge off.” I was able to sleep for a couple hours, but the narcotics wore off and the contractions became unbearable. I asked if an epidural was possible. I was only dilated to a 2, but I just wasn’t coping with the pain. I was shaking uncontrollably, my blood pressure had dropped, and I had a fever.

The anethesist had me sit up and put my head against Tim’s chest. She and the nurse warned me that it might be really painful, but the pain involved was nothing compared to the contractions. I was crying and shaking and freezing (or so it seemed), but the nurse and anethesist were so kind and helpful. Tim held me while talking me through contractions. The process took about 20 minutes, then the nurse checked me again. I was dilated to a 6, 100% effaced, and my contractions were about a minute and a half apart. And…. I couldn’t feel them… not even a little! God bless the epidural.

Sheryl and Jami came to visit right after the epidural, and at that point I couldn’t feel any pain from my waist down. I can’t tell you how ardently I loved and adored and would have married that epidural. Suddenly my labor and birth experience was not only bearable, but even enjoyable. I was excited to watch the screen and see my contractions. Sheryl called my mom, who was in church, and said, “You’d better get in here – she’s going to give birth soon.”

My mom, Lance, Dani, Cami, and Ivy showed up. Karen was supposed drive back to Denver with Zack that afternoon, but called to say that she was going to stay in Utah another week so she could see the baby’s birth. After all, she said, “I’ll probably never again get the opportunity t to see one of my sisters give birth again.” I told her it would probably happen quite soon, and she said she would speed over to the hospital. She was true to her word, and got there within fifteen minutes.

The nurse checked me, and said I was fully dilated and ready to have a baby. My mom, Cami, and Karen were in the room. The nurse and Tim put my legs up in stirrups and prepped me. My dad showed up and said he would stay in a corner where he couldn’t see anything if we let him in. The nurse covered my lady parts and let him come in. Lance and Dani stayed with Ivy in the waiting room.The doctor came in and asked if I was ready to have the baby. I said “No!” and everybody laughed. But I was serious. I wasn’t ready to have a baby – emotionally or logistically. I was terrified that I would bleed to death or that something would be wrong with the baby.

Suddenly even more people started showing up. Because I was giving birth prematurely, my daughter’s welcome crew included not only the labor and delivery nurse and obstetrician, but also a NICU nurse, a pediatrician, and a respiratory therapist. The doctor explained that my baby’s lungs weren’t fully developed and my daughter might not be able to breathe by herself. He also explained that she might have to be resuscitated upon arrival, and that she would certainly be whisked away to the NICU. They got a crash cart ready, and I think it was around this time that I started feeling really dizzy and the baby’s heart rate went down. They gave me an oxygen mask and lowered my head.

The doctor glanced at my hoo-hah and said, “Well, your baby has lots of black hair.” They asked me if I wanted to see, and I conceded even though I thought it might freak me out. I was right. I saw the little patch of hair they were talking about, smiled, and politely requested that they remove the mirror from my line of vision from that point forward. I didn’t want to see my lady parts torn to shreds.

Everybody got in place: Tim and the nurse holding my legs and feet (I still don’t know why), the doctor in catching position, the auxillary personel waiting anxiously with their respective tools and machines. Doctor Streble watched the screen until a contraction began, then advised me to take a deep breath and push as I exhaled. I had a really difficult time taking deep breaths, so I just pushed.

When the contraction ended, the doctor told me that during the next contraction, I should hold onto the backs of my legs when pushing. After a couple more pushes, the doctor said her head was partially out. Since the baby was posterior, I figured he could see her face so I asked, “Does she have eyeballs?” I really just wanted to know if they could see her eyes yet, but everything went quiet as the doctors and nurses looked at each other, clearly bewildered by my question. Cami and Karen burst into laughter, and one of them said, “Don’t mind her… that is sooo Laura to ask that.”

I rested for a couple minutes while waiting for the next contraction. I saw the doctor pick up some scissors and clip... you know, down there... but at that point I didn’t care. The next contraction began and Doctor Streble kept saying things like, “Keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing…” and then he said, “Okay, stop pushing for a minute.” I had watched enough live births on the internet to realize that my baby’s head was probably out (this was later confirmed). I felt a rush of endorphins as the doctor put his fingers inside and pulled the shoulders free. The baby then slid out very quickly and as she vacated my womb, I felt a significant pressure loss in my abdomen.

The doctor started laughing because somehow the baby had grabbed one of the receiving blankets and wouldn’t let go. He cleared her nose and lungs and our baby girl started screaming loudly. Tim cried as he looked back and forth between the baby and me, and he smiled more broadly than I had ever seen him before.

My family sprung into action. Up until that point, they had stayed politely on the couch – careful not to invade my naked-from-the-waste-down privacy; however, as soon as the baby came out, my sisters completely disregarded me and my exposed lady parts as they took hundreds of pictures. Dr. Streble clamped off her umbilical cord, and then Tim cut her off from being completely dependent on my life force. That was a bittersweet moment for me, but not the one that marked the transition from before to after. Not yet.

The doctors and nurses whisked her away to wipe off her vernix and examine her. All I really remember was clicks and flashes, and wondering when the afterbirth would come out. At some point it did, but I don’t remember that. The doctor didn’t ask me if I wanted to see it, and I’m glad because I would have said, “Yes,” but it would have been a lie – I didn’t really want to see it, and probably would have passed out had they shown it to me. I’ve never been able to handle the sight of my own blood – let alone large masses of tissue expelled from within. Dr. Streble said that he had performed a hymenotomy (I don’t know why) and that I had second-degree tears that he needed to stitch up.

Somebody told us that the baby weighed five pounds, zero ounces, and that she was 18 inches long. I asked the doctor what her APGAR score was, and he said, “Hmmm… that’s the nurses’ job.” One of the nurses said, “We forgot to assign one with all the excitement” and the other said, “I’m going to say an eight.” I was so happy to hear that she was healthy enough to get that high of a score.

One of the nurses (the beloved Dana… we would get to know her in the NICU) wrapped her in a blanket and put her on my chest. She explained that I could only hold her for a few seconds because she needed to go to the NICU. I was so happy to hold my baby for the first time – she was stopped crying and was so beautiful resting in my arms.

I was a bit disoriented from it all, so I smiled for the photos and tried to gather myself, but it was all I could do not to vomit. It wasn’t anything against the baby, I just still feeling so sick Dana took her back and escorted her and Tim to the NICU nursery.

Lance and Dani came in, and all I remember about that is that they were really nice to me and asking Lance to take pictures of the medical tools used during the birth.

Tim came back and said, “You made a beautiful, baby.” He said she was doing great and the doctors were all really impressed with how vivacious she was. The nurses said she was, “feisty and stubborn.” Tim couldn’t stop smiling and was clearly very happy. He sat by me for a while and then went back to the nursery. Did I mention that I felt sick?

I was eventually moved to the “Mother and Baby” section of the hospital, on the third floor. Tim and I went down to the NICU, and I held the baby again. My family showed up, and my sisters and mom were able to gown up, scrub in, and hold the baby. We took her to the window to show Lance and Dani.

When we went back up to my room, it was completely decorated with flowers, balloons, candy and what seemed like hundreds presents. In addition to clothes and blankest for the baby, there was a bathrobe and two new pairs of really comfortable pajamas. My family was there, and we sat around at talked for a while.

They left, and Tim and I went back down to the NICU. We watched as the nurse showed us how to sponge-bathe the baby. The baby cried during most of it, but was completely silent and content when her hair was washed – it was quite cute. The nurse had me pick out a ribbon, and I chose a light green one to put in her hair. They then let me help pick out an outfit for her from a drawer full of preemie-sized baby clothes. She cried and wiggled as the nurse put clothes on her.

We went to the nursery, and the nurse explained that it was really good for the baby to have skin-on-skin contact with me. She undressed the baby (except her diaper), and put her on my chest underneath my hospital gown. Then she turned down the lights and left us alone with our baby.

The baby had been really wiggly and somewhat agitated up until then. As she lay on my chest, she became utterly calm, and fell asleep with her head resting next to my heart. Tim put his arm around me, and we sat silently as I looked at my sleeping infant, stroked her crazy, troll-like black hair, and fell completely in love.

And suddenly, it was after.

I was a mother.

33 weeks and .... CANKLES.

2010-02-23T19:30:00.000-08:00

Yep. It has happened. They told me it would, but I didn't believe it. My legs, arms, nose, cheeks, fingers, and toes have filled with water. I gained almost ten pounds this week... and I can tell you that it wasn't from eating since I've resumed my old habit of giving food back to the earth and hating most food.

I took this picture Friday (4 days ago) when I *thought* I had swollen feet and legs.

I took this tonight. Whaaa...

31 weeks

2010-02-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

I am growing a human inside me, and have found that the bigger the baby gets, the bigger I get. This is actually not a significant shock to me, given that I was born and raised in the land of Make-Some-Baby.

Back here, however, people seem genuinely surprised that a) I am gestating at this exceedingly young age of 32,* and b) that I have gained more than 5-10 pounds** in the process. And unlike the land of Make-Some-Baby, where it's customary (or at least common) for people to politely act astonished when you tell them you're pregnant (What? You couldn't possibly be 9 months along... you look practically anorexic!), people around here don't mind telling me how large and awkward I look. Almost everybody in my department has commented on how HUGE my belly is, several people have asked if I'm due in the next calendar week, and at least three people have asked if I'm having twins. I don't mind these comments and for the most part, am just amused. Luckily I've known enough pregnant women in my life to know that I could very possibly gain another 30 pounds before harvest time.

Baby Girl kicks and moves as much as ever. She wakes up at about 5:00 every morning and wiggles and wriggles and tickles inside me. Today she has her head on one side of my abdomen and her bum on the other side. I keep patting her bum, and she sticks it out and wiggles it in return.

I'm starting to conceptualize (a little more) that we're having a baby, and I'm getting really impatient for her to be born. I'm so grateful that I get to have a baby - for a long time it seemed like an elusive, unobtainable dream that would never actually happen. Now that it is, I find myself almost overcome with gratitude at times. I'm so excited, and so is Tim. The other day Tim mentioned that he needed to get life insurance so that if he "passes on," we'll be taken care of. I of course started crying at the thought of him passing on, and he of course thought it was time for me to go to bed and get some sleep. I'm so happy about our little family, and I will scalp anybody who tries to take it away from me.

At our appointment yesterday, our nurse practitioner let us listen to the heartbeat for an extra long time. She said the baby is "growing beautifully." And she may have mentioned that I'm huge.

* From what I can tell, it is considered irresponsible out east to consider having a baby before you have a 401K, six-figure income, and summer house on cape cod.

** From what I can tell, it is considered irresponsible out east for women to have more than 7% body fat.

28 weeks - Like mother, like daughter.

2010-01-17T19:50:00.000-08:00

My baby girl does not like to hold still. I can't prove it, but I strongly suspect she either doesn't sleep, or sleeps like I do - by constantly moving, of course.

She, like her mother, does not like - at all - to be even slightly uncomfortable. If I wear a pair of pants with an elastic band that cramps her style, she kicks at the band until I change clothes. If I stand up, she repositions herself. If I sit down, she repositions herself. If I change which side I'm lying on, she does too. Her kicks are becoming more and more forceful, and if I'm sleeping with my stomach against Tim's back, he usually ends up saying, "Why is my baby kicking me again?"

I usually sing songs in the morning while I'm getting ready, and sometimes if I stop, she kicks until I start singing again. I'm told (by books and/or the interwebs) that she weighs about 2.25 pounds, is 15 inches long, and has five intact senses at this point. If she were born today, she would have over a 90% chance of survival (with medical intervention).

I've dreamed twice now that she has golden-blond, troll-style crazy hair with really tan skin. I've also dreamed that she's Asian, so I don't put a lot of stock into my dreams. :) I have a recurring dream that she's born prematurely, and that I need to put her back inside. But in these dreams, I always really like her and want to keep holding her.

About 3 months left! We have some basics like onsies and a couple blankets (thanks, Mom and Tim!), but no crib, no carseat, no stroller, etc. Yikes! Hopefully we'll get ourselves together soon. Tim and I are both so excited for the day we get to see her.

26 weeks

2010-01-07T16:44:00.001-08:00

So Tim and I are now legally and lawfully wed, which means Baby Girl won't be illegitimate. We got hitched December 29, 2009, and the baby kicked through the whole wedding and dinner. Miraculously, I started feeling much, much better a few days before the wedding, so I was able to enjoy everything.

The baby kicks me night and day, and Tim has been kicked so hard a couple times that he finally believes me when I say she's got some serious quad muscles. A new exciting development: we can see her moving / kicking / shifting when my belly moves. It's fun to watch.

I've been getting really big, really fast the last week or so. The lunch lady asked me today if I was sure I wasn't having twins, and after coming back from a 2 week break, several people commented on the size of my belly.

Sleeping is a joke these days. Poor Tim usually ends up on the far end of the bed because I toss and turn and ask him for "just a couple more inches" continually through the night. He continues to be a really good sport about it all, and seems happy that I'm not a big, vomiting sloth on his couch anymore.

23 weeks, and she's going to play soccer. I can feel it. Literally.

2009-12-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to feel a lot more movement. She used to have two or three kicking episodes a day (morning, evening, and at about 4:00 am), but now she seems to be doing somersaults, backflips, twirls, and 45-yard punt attempts - nonstop. Last night she was kicking so hard that I dreamed she kicked a hole through my stomach and accidentally delivered herself. In my dream I was worried sick because I knew her chances of survival were very slim so early, but also I really liked her so I didn't want to put her back inside (which seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do in my dream). She had black hair and big blue eyes (like Tim's) in my dream. I think feeling her for the last few days, though at times uncomfortable, has also made me really excited to meet her in the flesh.

I've also started having Braxton Hicks contractions. The intertubes tell me that these are "usually" painless, but I think they feel like moderately painful menstrual cramps. When I told this to the midwife who examined me at my last appointment, she reassured me that I wasn't actually feeling any discomfort... hmmm. They happen five to ten times a day, usually when I'm quite tired or dehydrated. I'm not worried about them... I think.

In happy news, I haven't given any food back to the good earth for three days in a row. This is a record for me, and I hope a trend that will keep on trending. Tim and I are planning to drive across the country Friday, and it would be nice if it could be free of unpleasant episodes.

22 weeks... and today has been okay.

2009-12-06T16:23:00.001-08:00

Three things:

1) I felt good today. Really good. Almost like the old days.

2) Tim is not exactly an effusive person, which isn't to say that he doesn't get excited; it's only to say that he usually shows enthusiasm with a barely perceptible smile, or by slightly raising his eyebrows. He's very quiet about experiencing joy. I did, however, catch him smiling broadly during our ultrasound, and when the doctor told us we'd be expecting a girl. The other day, he wrapped his arms around me and said, "How's my girl?" I said, "I'm okay, a little tired..." and he said, "I didn't mean you... how's my other girl?"

The other day he went to Target to fetch a birthday present for his nephew. He came home with said presents, as well as a stuffed elephant that plays a lullaby and matching blanket for "his girl." I thought it was really cute that he picked out some gifts for her, completely independently from me.

3. I've been begging Tim to let Cami and/or Erin and/or Joanne take a couple pictures of us that we could send out in announcements or frame for the reception. He has been, really, truly, exceesively, adamantly opposed to this idea. He really hates having his photo taken. Today I begged one more time, and he agreed to sit through a ten-minute shoot at... wait for it... Sears (since we had to go to the mall anyway). I think he thought it would be shorter that way... but it was pure and undiluted agony. The waiting room was full of 50-60 screaming children dressed as angels and elves and such. Furthermore, the gal who took our photos seemed to think we were 14 years old and posing for our first prom dates. We finally had to request some conservative poses. She insisted on taking a couple "maternity" shots... which I didn't know existed. We were laughing in 100% of the photos she took, mostly due to the silliness of it all. This is the least silly of the maternity poses (Tim would kill me, really, if I posted the others):

20 weeks, and really? Only half-way done?

2009-11-24T17:23:00.001-08:00

In some ways I thought the 20-week mark would never come. But in other ways, I feel like I've been pregnant for about 3 years. I'm ready to have the baby now, as in today.

Her movements have gone from faintly perceptible flutters to sleep-preventing uterus poundings. Tim can finally feel her kicking (or punching, or maybe biting) from the outside, which is exciting (for him). I have lost my ability to sleep through the night, and getting up from a reclined position is painful (round ligaments, I'm told). The baby (which Tim has started referring to as Little Emma Hanley) kicked me all through a faculty meeting today, and distracted me from paying proper attention. As though I don't have trouble enough.

So we (the parental units) have been throwing around names.

Tim's favorites: Emma, Emma Leigh, Emily, Emmaline.
My favorites: Clara, Jane, Lillian, Penny.

We've no earthly idea how to resolve this conflict, so it will probably come down to an arm wrestle. In which I get to use both hands and a pulley system.

18 weeks and the verdict is in:

2009-11-14T12:13:00.000-08:00

This week we finally got to find out a bit more about the wee one that keeps me awake at night. We went in for our 18-week ultrasound and got to see the baby hanging out. It was lying at the bottom of my uterus sucking its thumb with its feet raised and crossed. The technician needed to get several shots of various organs from various angles, but the baby wouldn't budge - even after I rolled from side to side and did downward facing dog. The technician said she thought the baby was "probably not a boy" but couldn't get a good view of much. We had to go back two days later (to get better views of the spine and heart).

This time (Thursday, November 12) we had a much more aggressive sonogram technician who jabbed my uterus (yeah... didn't feel that good) until the baby was in the needed positions. She showed us three lines that formed the labia and vaginal opening, so it's 90% official: the baby will now be refered to in the feminine tense. :)

The ultrasound was actually really stressful for me. I started crying when the technician was measuring various body parts to see if they were okay and was really worried that there would be problems. But everything was in normal ranges, and I teared up a couple times watching the cute little baby sitting there sucking its thumb. During the second ultrasound, we watched the baby tapping her foot against the placenta wall - it also was cute, as though she was just biding her time in the womb.

Tim didn't care if the baby was a boy or a girl, but was very happy when we saw the baby. I was secretly (well.. not that secretly) wanting a girl, but I would have been happy either way. Knowing the gender of the baby has made me more excited, and seeing her in the womb again was really neat.

Tim and I went out to dinner the other night, and we were talking about a time when we went to a museum with Erin. He had been really sad that day, and we talked about it a bit. He then said, "But... I'm much happier now." I asked him if he was happier than he was at the museum or if he was happier than he was during that time in general. He said, "Well... I'm happier than I've ever been in my life." We're both so excited for this baby girl!

17.5 weeks - Baby likes music!

2009-11-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

November 6th, 2009

Tim and I went out for the first time in what seems like ages. First we went to the macaroni grill to celebrate Bryn's birthday. I thought it was so funny that the Macaroni Grill is her favorite restaurant - it's so adult.

After cake at Cami and Peter's, we went to a Patti Griffin / John Prine concert. Patty was good, but John Prine was awesome. He played some very raucous songs, and the baby moved all over the place. Since then, I've been playing the guitar while it rests on my belly, and without fail, the baby starts kicking and wiggling. Apparently it likes music! Today a Modest Mouse song came on the radio, and it seemed to enjoy (or hate... hard to say) that as well.

15.5 week scare

2009-11-14T11:58:00.000-08:00

October 22, 2009

Dear sisters and mom,
Yesterday I was doing some experiments and had to go into the dark room for about a half hour to expose and develop some film. I sat down on a stool because I was feeling sick and really tired, and did a set of leg exercises because I got bored. When I stood up, I felt that my crotch area was soaking wet and there was a fair amount of liquid running down my legs. I of course thought I realized what was happening and prepared myself to deliver an orange-sized fetus. In the dark, because a week's worth of experiments were on the line, and turning on the light would have exposed all the film, yada yada... I'm embarassed how pragmatic I was in the situation. Well, I finally had a two minute break, and went outside into the light only to realize that my water had not, indeed, broken (is that even possible at this stage?), but that I had sat in a huge puddle of leaking film developer. Tim is pretty sure I and the baby will not be harmed by this mishap, though it might come out with 40 kilodalton bands on it's forehead.

In other news, I felt the baby squiggling and wiggling about last night for about a half hour. I liked that. At first, and then I needed to go to sleep, but the wiggling continued. I told Tim about it on the way to work, and he said, "That kid is going to be trouble." Cheers, hugs and such, and happy Thursday (the weekend is almost here!!!).

Laura

Response From Karen:
One time, when I was pregnant with Max, I fell backwards down a short flight of stairs at Albertson's. I fell so hard hard on my bum I thought for sure I had broken my water. Nope. I just wet my pants. Pregnancy is awesome like that.

Response from Cami:
Aren't you glad you didn't ruin your films by rushing out to panic! You deserve a lab Medal of Excellence, or at least your old desk back. That's amazing that you felt wiggling. You've always been very sensitive to your abdominal area (I mean really, who else can tell which side they're ovulating on!), so I'm not terribly surprised. I read all the books and they said that the first movements felt like bubbles popping or butterfly wings. Did you find that true? 'Cause mine felt more like war drums. In any case, we should have a little celebration. Karen- I can't believe you fell- you're always so graceful and steady. Did you go to the doctor to have them check to make sure it wasn't your water breaking? It does sound a little dangerous.

From Mom:
They are never dull days when you three email! Laura, you had me scared to death. I'm happy you were just sitting in film developer and nothing more serious. I am also impressed that little Baby is wiggling enough to be felt. That little miracle! I remember when Karen fell (many times, but particularly this time with Max). It was quite traumatic for a bit. Cami, drums?! I hope everyone has a calm day. And don't sit if you don't know what you're sitting in! And don't fall.Hugs and happiness to all, Mom

From me:
Karen: I like that story a lot. I've started wearing pads in case I fall down, sneeze, hiccup, or blink too hard.
Cami: Last night bubbles and butterfly wings, today war drums.
Mom: I learned my lesson, but I'm pretty sure I've learned that lesson before. One of these days it will stick!

Live was I ere I saw eviL

2009-10-19T16:13:00.000-07:00

I love symmetry. I love palindromes.

I can't stand it when paintings or clocks aren't straight or when figures or diagrams aren't centered. Perfectly. As in, I can't listen to a thing anybody is saying, even if it's "Run! The building is on fire and there's a gas leak!" until the situation is rectified.

It's a problem.

My belly is growing now, and it's obvious that I'm pregnant, especially since I've lost ~10 pounds from the rest of my person. The problem is that my belly button is way over on the right side of my abdomen. And my girls aren't the same size - the right is much larger.

How am I supposed to live like this?

14 weeks, and all is well (in a universe I have no contact with, that is...)

2009-10-12T07:09:00.000-07:00

Can I possibly be getting worse? Why, yes I can. In the good old days, I felt nausiated, but never vomited. Then I progressed to vomiting, but never more than twice a day, and never after 10:30 am or so. In the last 24 hours, I have vomited 8 (eight) times, and have a headache the size of Texas. Is this ever going to end? I think the half hot dog, apple juice, and 3-6 apples I ate yesterday at our apple-picking adventure wasn't the smartest idea ever. I've been sleeping semi-upright on my couch, because I've also recently been blessed with heartburn. Pregnancy is soooo amazing.

I love it soooooo mu-huh-huch....

2009-10-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

This morning we had our first ultrasound. It was really exciting to see the baby wiggling about (actually quite a bit) in my womb. When I asked Tim (just now) what he thought of the experience, he said, "I liked it... I thought it was pretty exciting. And... I was kind of relieved that there was only one in there. I think I would have fainted had there been more than one." He was beaming during the ultrasound and clearly quite pleased about the situation.

When I showed it to the girls at school, they shrieked appropriately, and Chadene insisted that it was "such a beautiful little fetus." Even Ewan joined in the oohing and aweing and said, "It's quite a special experience. When I saw my wee one on the screen, it brought a tear to me eye." I admit I got a little choked up.

Prevarications - 13.5 weeks

2009-10-07T16:52:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what I'm doing

Just watching myself in some play

And the actress looks like she wants to go home

And lie in a bed all day

Yeah

Lie in a big bed all day.

~Pattiy Griffin

I was told by 2 books, dozens of webpages, and as many formerly afflicted mothers that at 12 weeks post-conception, I would be feeling significantly better. Significantly.

And yet, I am not.

Not at all.

Alas, I cannot complain too bitterly; my sisters told me I would not feel better after 12 weeks. I do seem to be eating slightly more (in terms of both quantity and variety), but I still feel nauseated 100% of the time. My coworkers have taken pity on me. Laure brought me plain quinoa a couple weeks ago; Wendy has twice given me her apple at lunch, and Steve brought me his wife's homemade corn and potato chowder for lunch today. And Greg (not known for being a particularly nice man) asks me how I'm feeling almost every day. These acts of kindness are ever-so-appreciated. As soon as I feel okay, I'm going to bring cookies for the department. I don't know how I'll repay Tim, however, who the other day went to three different grocery stores in search of banana ice cream popsicles. He has been unbelievably good and patient. Whenever I think of it (including now), I shed a few tears. I love him so much.

More breaking news.

2009-09-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

His mom: Telling Tim’s mom Michele about our news was easy. We went to her house and Tim said, “Mom, why don’t you sit down. We have something to tell you.” She said, “No,” and Tim said, “You’re going to want to sit down.” She said, “I don’t have to sit down… just say whatever you people have to say.”

Tim smiled and said, “We’re going to have a baby.” Michele’s facial expression didn’t change – not even slightly – and she said, “I know.” Tim asked her how she could possibly know, and she replied, “I just did.” We then went to dinner, and she solemnly said, “Okay, you people have to promise me one thing.” We looked at her wide-eyed, and she said, “You have to let me buy the crib. You can’t let anybody else, I get to.” Tim laughed and said that although it was a sacrifice not to be able to buy it ourselves (in a not-at-all kind of way), we would concede to allow her to purchase a crib. The truth is that it hadn’t registered with either of us that the baby would need, you know, things.

My parents: Tim and I went to Utah in August. I was really worried to tell my parents about the baby because they’ve been through a lot and I didn’t want to make their list of Life’s Most Disappointing Moments. Mike and Jill hosted a wave-running lake day at Jordan Reservoir, and my parents and Lance met us there.

Tim eventually found time to talk to my dad alone on the beach. Tim said, “I have a question I’d like to ask you. Laura and I have been talking about our future together. I’d like to marry your daughter, and I was wondering if that’s okay with you.” My dad said, “Well, Laura’s a good girl and has always been a good girl. You seem like a nice boy, so that sounds good.”

I approached them as they stood up, and my dad came and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek while he said, “Congratulations. You’ve always been my favorite daughter, other than Cami and Karen.” He motioned for my mother to join us. He told her that we were getting married, and she gave me a hug as well.

I told Tim to go help Jonathan throw rocks in the water so I could talk to my mom alone. She said, “Well… what’s next?” I said, “We’ll get married in December. And then… (insert tears) we’ll have a baby in April.” My mom started crying and said, “Are you happy?” and I said, “Very.” She hugged me again and said, “Then I’m happy, too. I like babies.”

We called my dad over, and I told him about the (ahem) development. He said, “That’s wonderful. Wait… does this mean you’ve been messing around?” I said, “Never.” He said, “Well, how did this happen?” and my mom said, “It’s a miracle!”

We then proceeded to tell the rest of our siblings. Lance was excited, and insisted that I tell his wife, “I’m having a bastard child.” I made him call Karen to make sure she wasn’t mad. He assured me she wasn’t mad that I was pregnant, so I agreed to speak to her. It turns out that she was indeed mad; not because of the baby, but because I didn’t tell her myself and didn’t trust her to be supportive and nonjudgmental. Fair enough. I made her tell Kim and Darin, and they were also extremely nice. All that worrying for nothing.

The following are excerpts from electronic communications I’ve exchanged with family and friends on the matter:

Mike: how did that happen?
me: I think from holding hands

Julie: Laura!! I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED FOR YOU! That is fantastic! I am thrilled!! I have to call you soon. I can't even handle email right now.

Aleigh: You'll be a great mom. And I'm glad you've given up caffeine.
(FYI, Aleigh consumes approximately 2-4 liters of Diet Coke per diem.)

Amy: Well, I don't know if this is an inappropriate joke or not, but Tim is pretty smart. :) I mean… way to hook you, right?

Kim: You are a wonderful person and will be a great mom and wife!

Melinda: As for having a baby that's great, If you are going to find out if you are having a boy or a girl, I want to know. Will that be in December? Please let me know. I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!! AND I STILL LOVE YOU. I hope everything is going well, Have you been sick? Are you doing ok? Even though I am a million miles away please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you.

Michelle: Don't worry about me telling people. My level of contact with people is mostly just following blogs.

Brianne: Laura! OMG! That is seriously the best news I've heard in a long time! Congratulations. :) (can you tell I'm just so excited for you??) Oh, your man is SO lucky to have you! Does he realize just how lucky he is?

Chadene: Ok, so I have to tell you. I'm so excited I could cry! :) I'm really happy for you and Tim, and I think you guys are going to make really fantastic parents. A baby is a blessing, and you are very lucky to get to share that blessing with someone you love very much. Your little announcement has made my whole week! I can't wait to give Tim a hug! ;)

Alex: OMG congratulations!!! How pregnant are you? Have you tried those new sal-sard-tines? they're saltines that come in sardine flavor, hmm...

Erin: I'm happy to help with anything you need even BEFORE the little kid comes around. This might include: nursery decorations, talking and shopping for adorable small clothes (or big fancy dresses). I want to make sure you know I'm available w/o trying to usurp Cami's God-given role as sister. Oh, and I stole another tampon.

Karen: I know you're sick. Not much to be done there. You'll feel better soon. Eat something every two hours. Good suggestions: Applesauce, Gingerale, crackers, toast, bananas, peaches, cantaloupe, watermelon, granola bars, scrambled eggs with no salt. I'm not sure why the first two are capitalized. I guess they are special.

Sarah: im totally fine with it, la! i will love you no matter what you do ! and im so happy for you. ur going to b one of the greatest moms ever and u dont deserve to be sick!